AFL 3 years ago

5 Dees Commentator No-Nos

  • 5 Dees Commentator No-Nos

Everytime you tune in for a Dees game, there are lines it is only a matter of time the 'Special' Commentator unleashes from your TV set like limp drizzle on Tuesday morning.

And, after 17 rounds, here's 5 of the most dreaded from 2014...

1. Jack Watts Used to be a Basketballer

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Nothing scares a co-commentator more than the thought of another sport. Even promoting another sport sends shivers through their spines.

So, when Jack Watts doesn't deal with a situation as well as he could have done, our special commentator realises the 'first draft pick' is finally a bit tired, and out comes his sole Jack Watts fact...

Does it make a difference if Watts played basketball? 

(I've heard Brian Lake was a former school champion at tiddlywinks. But that's never been mentioned once.)

2. Isn't It Great How Nathan Jones Is The Captain Now?

Well, no actually he's only half captain. Jack Grimes captaincy has been more forgotten in the media than Vanilla Ice's second album. 

But Nathan Jones, if you only knew one Dees player - who just happens to be called 'Nathan Jones,' is probably more recognisable. 

3. Lynden Dunn and Jeremy Howe are now in the backline. (Except for the times they are forward)

In the first quarter, it is now tradition for a comment to be made about Lynden Dunn and Jeremy Howe occasionally moving to the back.  

Whether it's a good thing or not depends on the 'insight' of the commentator (or just whatever they feel at that current moment) but it's always noted how they stay back. 

And then, with 100% certainty one will move forward and the co-commentator will make the surprised comment as if to recognise they ve not watched Melbourne since Sylvia was a full-time AFL player

4. Jeremy Howe's Regulatory Mark

If Buddy kicks from the boundary from 60m, or Ablett pirouettes, or Hayden Ballantine pinching and punching like its first day of the month

All trademark AFL moments played over in slo-mp from every conceivable angle.

But Jeremy. Howe leaping above 8 bodies and falling back while he catches ball cleaner than an OCD umpires whistle collection?

Why that's just Jeremy Howe's regulatory mark...

5. The Etihad Record

In every James Bond film, there is a of the criminal genius' lair, often somewhere in an Alpine mountain range. From here, Bond's initial plans are foiled by the mastermind. 

For Melbourne, the lair is right in our own city, sitting on Docklands, while it's Demons record looms over the club like some sort of violent and vindictively evil car park.

And you know it, the exact second the red and blue set upon the shallow turf, the co-commentator will leap from his K-Mart office chair with an updated record of the Demons at Etihad.

Yeah, we get it. 

There are probably slain first-time Roman gladiators who aren't envious of the Demons record at Etihad.

But, please find something else. Anything...

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