In the middle of nowhere after being pumped by a bunch of waanabe sailors, that's where.
Well, that didn't go well. As a Perth-based Demon, winning tonight would have been like winning the lottery on the same day Tom Scully becomes the first AFL player to enter the field with his shoelaces tied together.
So...here are the 3 things The Red and Blue learned...this time brought to you by Carlsberg...
In The Simpsons, Frank Grimes Jnr, a hardworking, responsible worker, is driven mad by the continued incompetence of a co-worker, namely Homer, ends up going mad in an OSH nightmare, killing himself on some electrical wires.
If there is a footballing equivalent of holding some electrical wires, it is a handball 20m from your own goal directly to your opposition.
And 'Grimey' Grimes was guilty of doing just that tonight.
The amount of errors Frank, err... I mean Jack, has offered up in 2014 is simply unacceptable, and while having a cheap go at young kids is hardly helpful.
When it's your co-captain stuffing up needlessly questions should be asked.
Is he too good to be dropped?
2. Full Forward
If I was a lazy commentator I would point to the lack of a star key Demons forward to help them pose a counter-attacking threat, to heap the pressure on an opposition faced with a well-drilled Demons defensive gameplan.
However, if my name wasn't Tony Shaw or Dermot Brereton, I would know the 2014 Demons have been deprived of Mitch Clark through retirement and Jesse Hogan through long term injury.
Take the best two forwards from any team and they will struggle... And with Roos' gameplan needing a sucker-puncher extraordinaire, we are truly feeling that now.
3. Are Freo where Demons are headed?
Ross Lyon and Paul Roos are, of course, old friends from both coaching and playing days, and it's been summised by everybody how Roos' Demons look up to Lyons' Dockers as a blueprint.
The Dockers are a cynically defensive team DESPITE having the talent to win an attacking game. This Demons side, unfortunately, set up any other way than as a cautious, defensive unit, would get stuffed every other week.
2013 was the living proof.
I believe it's churlish to judge how the Demos set up now as a guide to how they will in 5 years time, with an established list.
But, while this gameplan works best for this list now, in 5 years time, all Demons sincerely hope this will have evolved into a top team by talent as much as tactics..
As Fremantle have shown, playing cynically defensive football doesn't win you flags, the Mebourne Demons need to be aiming far higher than today's opponents do now.
It's no enough to challenge defensively and fluke a route through to a Grand Final, the Demons need to transform into a team who dominate and WIN flags.
Well, that's the pipedream...
For now, we'll settle for a more wins this season. (And a Brownlow for Jack Viney.)