AFL 4 years ago

Bring Back Proper Ads!

  • Bring Back Proper Ads!
  • Bring Back Proper Ads!
  • Bring Back Proper Ads!

In a possibly regular weekly column, The Red and Blue launches a rant in the style of that moaning bloke on a morning train talking so loudly everybody can hear.

Slip on your Friday moccasins, find your comfy chair. This is a whinge about the old days.

When men were men, women were women, cats were cats and dogs were dogs. Unless the dog was a Blue Heeler, and then it was a policeman we watched†solve the exact same case every week.

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A time when there were just 4 channels for us Australians. (Plus SBS for foreigners and students)

And footy advertising†promoted things you actually bought.

Who even sponsors Melbourne these days? Webjet? Opel? Do they even exist anymore? Chinese Caravan Airways?

Frankly, and as much as the cash is appreciated, it doesnít matter, because itís LG and Tooheys who will always be synonymous with the Demons.

Looking around the grounds these days, itís all initials. NIB, NAB, ING, IINET, even most of the kits are made by ISC.

Who are these people? Well, insurance and banking things mostly. Companies whoíll gladly splurge dollars to get their indistinguishable names to the frontal lobe†of us AFL fans.

But whatís our thought process to be?

Yes! Salem has kicked the goal, weíve beaten the Bombers! Crack open the beerÖBut only after Iíve looked up some excellent flight deals.

Our minds simply donít work like that. When I watch Richmond, do I feel like an American car?

No. I feel like buying a bigger microwave.

Iím sure thereís a man in an†ill-fitting, scratchy suit whoís got pie charts about things like brand exposure and target demographic markets who can explain to me why these companies brandish their names on our game.

But it feels more reassuring for adverts to be a simple process.

For example:

Jeremy Howe leaps into the air to take his third spectacular mark of the game. Iím not looking at the advertisements thinking ĎYes, now itís time to rethink how much my house is insured for.í

No. Iím thinking, ĎIíve just spilt my beer all over my trousers, and I will definitely need another one.í

What people who care about footy want to know about for those 3 hours are alcohol, dodgy fast food, and defunct electrical stores.

Is this setting a bad example for our kids?

Well no, because Iím sure young footy playing kids will probably discover alcohol and fast food even if Jack Wattsí clothing is considered a major part of their education.

Instead, because of modern AFL advertising, they may become misguided and think travel agencies, banking or insurance offer cool careers.

The danger for this generation of AFL footy fans could be worse than a hangover. It could be an entire career spent in an ill-fitting, scratchy suit discussing pie charts.

So donít just bring back the bump.† Donít just bring back the bump and the mullet.

Bring them both back, but most importantly,†adverts for things footy fans actually care about.

Wonít somebody please think of the children.

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